Sunday, April 29, 2012

Settling In

The pictures are for my mother. Sorry they are not better Mumsie. But that is the gist of my apartment. My favorite is my my photo collage on my wall. I get to look at it every night and it makes me really happy, because I get to sleep next to the people I love. I'm taking the advice of my dearest sweetest Jari and treating my new school experience just as that; NEW. I remember back in January I could not wait to get back to school. I had a calendar I'd cross off each week...53 days until I leave! 40 days until I leave!! I was wishing my time away hoping the time to leave would come sooner and sooner. Then something crazy happened, I started loving my time at home. I was so happy and thought "no no no, time needs to slow down, I don't want to leave ever!" I had wasted at least two months thinking how much I wanted to leave home that I gave up on life a little. I didn't care about anything but the fact that I got to leave soon so what I did at home up until that point didn't really matter much. When time came to actually move away I was so sad to leave and even more sad that I had wasted precious time not getting to know those around me sooner, as well as spending time with my family. But in everything there is a lesson to be learned. I am feeling a little bit like I was this past January...I can't wait until I go HOME, but this time I am stopping myself from thinking that way, because the truth of the matter is time passes. It always has and it always will. I'll be home soon enough but for right now I'm at school. I don't want to look back thinking I wish I had spent my time better, and enjoyed my experience for what it was rather than spending 4 months wishing I were home instead of in Idaho. So that is what I'm trying to do, as President Monson calls it "Finding Joy in the Journey." We are going to live each day so might as well try to do it with a good attitude. Some days will be good and some days will be hard, but if we just push forward all will be well. One thing I do know is life is meant to be joyful.

"Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family."
-President Thomas S. Monson
We will be helped those days we do struggle, but remember we are not given more than we can handle. The Lord will never forsake us, He will not leave us, and I love that promise!
"It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is.
It all works out. Don’t worry.
I say that to myself every morning.
It will all work out.
Put your trust in God,
and move forward with faith
and confidence in the future.
The Lord will not forsake us.
He will not forsake us.
If we will put our trust in Him,
if we will pray to Him,
if we will live worthy of His blessings,
He will hear our prayers."

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Back in Tatortotland

Yeah...I'm back in Idaho. Right now, I'm kind of thinking...HEY WHO'S IDEA WAS THIS!? But then I remember...oh yeah. It was mine...

So I'm trying to forget myself and just try and remember that the first few weeks are ALWAYS the hardest. Once I can get a routine down life will be much happier. My classes are going to be a lot of work, but I think I'm actually going to enjoy them for the most part. Campus is crazy different, but all in good ways. The school seems so huge and fancy now. Yep..fancy.

I really miss California. I love California sooooooooo much!! Why would anyone ever live anywhere else? I had so many amazing friends in California, fortunately I got to bring one with me. I know a lot of people who are actually here from home, and even though I don't really see them it comforts me, and I use them as  tangible objects in my mind that home really still does exist. I'm not stuck here forever, and soon enough I'll love Idaho again. I'm sure of alas I'm still waiting.

I think since my year break I feel like I don't know that many people anymore, and sometimes my day feels kind of lonely. I just go to class (which is often the best part of my day) and then I roam around alone. But in reality I feel like I do know quite a few people, but it feels a lot different this time around. I'm anxious to see my opinion at the end of the semester.

I miss my family mucho mucho. I can't even call my parents because they are vacationing so I've resorted to bugging my sister and brother. Also a sweet friend called me Monday night and he brightened my whole week. I crave voices from home.

I also wish I were a more decisive person. I don't know if I really even like the major Elementary Education. I can't tell if I"m just afraid of teaching, or if the whole thing is actually just really unappealing to me. But what should I do? I already feel like I've been in school for an eternity. I feel really lost in this aspect of my life. But I have this semester to decide if I want to keep this major or not. I'm in the "I'm never going to graduate" stage right now. It feel like I'm going to be stuck forever. FOREVER I tell you. Okay, I'm done. I have fun adventures from pre-Idaho days that I will blog about soon.