Thursday, April 19, 2012

Back in Tatortotland

Yeah...I'm back in Idaho. Right now, I'm kind of thinking...HEY WHO'S IDEA WAS THIS!? But then I remember...oh yeah. It was mine...

So I'm trying to forget myself and just try and remember that the first few weeks are ALWAYS the hardest. Once I can get a routine down life will be much happier. My classes are going to be a lot of work, but I think I'm actually going to enjoy them for the most part. Campus is crazy different, but all in good ways. The school seems so huge and fancy now. Yep..fancy.

I really miss California. I love California sooooooooo much!! Why would anyone ever live anywhere else? I had so many amazing friends in California, fortunately I got to bring one with me. I know a lot of people who are actually here from home, and even though I don't really see them it comforts me, and I use them as  tangible objects in my mind that home really still does exist. I'm not stuck here forever, and soon enough I'll love Idaho again. I'm sure of alas I'm still waiting.

I think since my year break I feel like I don't know that many people anymore, and sometimes my day feels kind of lonely. I just go to class (which is often the best part of my day) and then I roam around alone. But in reality I feel like I do know quite a few people, but it feels a lot different this time around. I'm anxious to see my opinion at the end of the semester.

I miss my family mucho mucho. I can't even call my parents because they are vacationing so I've resorted to bugging my sister and brother. Also a sweet friend called me Monday night and he brightened my whole week. I crave voices from home.

I also wish I were a more decisive person. I don't know if I really even like the major Elementary Education. I can't tell if I"m just afraid of teaching, or if the whole thing is actually just really unappealing to me. But what should I do? I already feel like I've been in school for an eternity. I feel really lost in this aspect of my life. But I have this semester to decide if I want to keep this major or not. I'm in the "I'm never going to graduate" stage right now. It feel like I'm going to be stuck forever. FOREVER I tell you. Okay, I'm done. I have fun adventures from pre-Idaho days that I will blog about soon.


Jari said...

Dearest little Lexie. I wish I were there and could hang out with you all the time! As someone who also took a year break here is my advice: accept that the BYU-Idaho you once knew is different than the one you go to now.

For me it was a hard pill to swallow because I wanted things the way they used to be, and I wanted to be back in Provo, or South Africa, or Florida. Anywhere seemed more appealing than this lonely shadow of a place I once loved. Eventually I just gave up and decided BYU-Idaho round two was completely separate from round one and that I'd have to learn the ropes all over again. I made new friends and I took a different approach to my classes. I hung out in new places and truly had a completely different experience than I ever had at BYU-I. AND I LOVED it. I thought I had learned everything BYU-I had to teach me, but I was ever so wrong. Enjoy the time you have there. You're in my prayers sweet girl. I love you.

Maureen said...

I love your post and I love Jari's advice..its perfect!
Change is hard, even when its a good change. You are amazing in so many ways, and you know how to have fun and make have lots of life yet to live and you will figure out whats best for you because you rely on your Heavenly Father..your faith is unfailing..You are loved so much, mostly by me :) keep doing what your doing and the blessings will continue to pour in..