Sunday, April 3, 2011

Blessed

>Tonight I'm feeling especially grateful. As you read listen to this.

>This past November I had made the decision to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It was a really hard decision. I struggled for months prior trying to decide whether this was the right thing for me. I couldn't make heads or tails of it. It was one of the most stressful times of my life. I was very miserable. I finally decided that I needed to just make a decision. Right or wrong, I knew Heavenly Father would help me know. So I finally saw my Bishop (who I was best friends with at this point) and I opened my papers. It felt exciting, and really scary. When I came back to my apartment I told my roommates and they were going crazy! One of my roommates was a return missionary and one was getting ready to leave very soon. For that moment I thought, ok I'm doing this. But I still didn't feel happy.

>The days that followed my decision were terrible. I had such uneasiness. I knew I would be seeing my parents soon for Thanksgiving and I was comforted that I could seek their counsel. The last night of Thanksgiving break I finally broke down to my parents and told them everything I was experiencing. My Mom gave my some wise counsel, and suggested that maybe I wait a little longer to make my decision, and that I would still be blessed either way. Sometime's I convince myself that if I'm not perfect I don't deserve anything good to happen in my life. To me being perfect was serving a mission. As soon as my Mom suggested that I just wait, I had the greatest calm come over me that serving a mission was not right for me now. All throughout the semester I cherished every moment I spent at the beautiful BYU-Idaho campus. For some reason I knew it would be my last semester, at least for awhile. I thought maybe that was initially why I thought I was going to serve a mission.

> As I have come home I have just felt that it is right for me to stay here for awhile. I don't know all the reasons, though I know a few. I don't know exactly where my life is headed, but ever since making the decision to stay home; everything has fallen into place for me. I just got offered a full time nannying job, I was able to sell my housing contract up at school, I've made amazing friends, and I feel like I am meant to be here now. I feel overwhelmed with gratitude. I feel so blessed. I have a testimony that Heavenly Father has a plan for us even though some days it feels so confusing and scary. I know that we are probably better than we convince ourselves we are. I know I am being led and prepared for something probably greater than I can comprehend currently. Life is such an adventure. As cheesy as it sounds, it is so true. Even though I've chosen a different path than I initially thought I would, Heavenly Father is showing me a different adventure that I'm going to be taking whatever it may be and I know that I'll be blessed just as much.

6 comments:

lacy nicol said...

Lex. I love this. You are such a great girl and I look up to you so much. This was very inspiring for me to read. I've actually been thinking a lot about going on a mission, too. That is if its right for me. It is truly wonderful to feel that confirmation and peace from the Lord when he is letting us know what is right.

Lindsey Jaye Parry said...

you are awesome. i love you

Jeff and Caroline McAllister said...

So good to hear all your thoughts and inspiration. I think Heather and Molly have experienced all of these also. It is a very big decision. And your mom is right, Heavenly Father loves you just as much either way! You are such a good girl Lexi and a wonderful example to everyone. Love you so much.

Jari said...

Lexie, you are so great. I don't know how else to put it, you just are. Your testimony is so uplifting and I learn so much from your example of faith. I love you.

Maureen said...

Lexie way to make your mom cry..Heavenly Father loves you so much and cares about everything that is important to you, you have the gift of testimony, you have the gift of inspiration, and you have a firm belief in the Holy Ghost to guide you in your decisions..You are a blessing to all that you come in contact with and especially to your family..Like I've said before, you are an old soul..full of wisdom and your loved beyond measure..great things are in store for you..

lexiedawn said...

love you all!!