Tuesday, January 11, 2011


>Lately I feel out of place. I have that feeling as if their is no gravity. Like I am in space. I'm not sure where I'm going or what I'm supposed to be doing, but I am present.

>I've had a lot on my mind, yet nothing at the same time. Does that make sense? No. Ok. I don't know how to explain it.

>I do feel peace about a lot in my life right now, even though logic tells me to freak out. I am calm.

>Tonight was just especially bummer-ish.  I've been really sad about my fake-out nannying job. I got a job with what I thought was the perfect family, though it turned out to be some crazies who wanted to get into my bank account. Job searching is exhausting, but yet I feel peace.

>For me in my life there has been this one person. She always knows when to enter my life to tell me that things really are ok. She is full of wisdom and the Spirit, and is an instrument in the hands of our loving Heavenly Father. He sends her to me when I need to be lifted up in a way that no one can understand. I can truly count on this blessing every-single-time. It is a miracle and tender mercy. She is a miracle and tender mercy.

>Kylee is also one of these. She has been the friend that is there for me, night or day. She take's care of me when I am away. I'm undeserving of her sweetness to me. She truly is a best friend.

>Their are people in your life that you look at and think..how did I become so blessed to have them in my life. Out of this entire universe I was chosen to have them, and it humbles me. I have many of those people in my life. I feel like the most blessed girl on the planet.

>I feel like 2011 is going to be a year of soul searching in a different way than it was last year. I can feel change and I'm trying to pin-point it yet, I have to remember I don't need to know everything. It'll be OKAY.

>This brought me much comfort.

>I have a testimony of journals. My stake President at school told us this, that people, especially people our age have a hard time believing Heavenly Father really loves them. I can identify with this. I struggle to remember that I am important, that I am even slightly capable of being loved. President Eyring said that this is one purpose of keeping a journal. That we can look back and read about the blessings in our lives, and how that reminds us of Heavenly Father's love for us.

>I've taken that challenge and find at least 3 things from my day where I could see the hand of the Lord in my life. I search for His tender Mercies, though it's not so much as searching as narrowing down only 3 I'd like to write. Elder Eyring said that, "No matter how late the hour, or how early he had to rise the next day" He would record the tender mercies of the Lord from His life that day.

>I remember those words when I feel too tired to write anything. I have seen the blessing of journal writing in my life, and it surely has brought to my attention my Heavenly Father and my Savior's love for me. I'm grateful  I have my Savior Jesus Christ to hold my hand through life, and through those things that bring others or myself challenges.

>It's hard to know who in your life is real. Who is really your friend. Who really cares. I'm ready to move on to a new chapter in my life. I think I'm ready at least. I desire to progress.

>In order to be led by the Spirit we must have a calmness about us, that allows us to be lead. I am no longer allowing fear to cloud my thoughts. His presence is unwanted, and Mr. Fear, you are free to pack your bags and leave sir. Scoot your boot.

>Au Revoir


Maureen said...

You are amazing and you are a very deep thinker..I love you with every fiber of my being..so grateful to have theee best kids around..Life is like a wrapped present you can't wait to open and see what you got..

Jari said...

You have got to be the sweetest girl I know. I am grateful for such a beautiful compliment. You know you are exactly the same kind of person in my life, it's true. I look up to you in so many ways. I love how Heavenly Father places some people in our lives who help us be our best selves, and bring us true joy and comfort. I think heaven will be full of friendships like these. I love you little Lexie.